Shipping policy
Shipping Policy — Gourmand Grievances Co.
"We ship sweet scents. We file sweet complaints. We do not ship on vibes alone."
Processing Time
We ship within 7 business days of your order. Not 6. Not 8. Seven.
We know you want your package yesterday. We get it. We've filed motions for less. But we take our time to spritz, test, and lovingly package every single order so it arrives looking like the sweet, petty masterpiece it is.
Orders placed after 2:00 PM EST will begin processing the next business day. Weekends? We're resting. And probably complaining about something.
Shipping Carriers & Rates
We ship exclusively via USPS — because they're reliable, affordable, and we have a pending complaint filed with their customer service department just in case.
Shipping rates are calculated in real-time at checkout based on your location, package weight, and selected service. Because we believe in transparency — and because we don't have time to manually calculate your shipping when we could be filing motions.
Available USPS options include:
| Service | Estimated Delivery Time |
|---|---|
| USPS Ground Advantage | 3–5 business days after processing |
| USPS Priority Mail | 2–3 business days after processing |
| USPS Priority Mail Express | 1–2 business days after processing |
Free shipping is automatically applied to orders $100 and over via USPS Ground Advantage. Because we appreciate your business. And your complaints.
Order Tracking
You will receive a tracking number via email as soon as your order ships. We recommend stalking it obsessively. We do.
If your tracking number says "delivered" but you don't have your package — check with your neighbors, your mailbox, and your soul. Then contact us. We'll help. Reluctantly. But we'll help.
Lost or Stolen Packages
We are not responsible for lost or stolen packages once USPS marks them as delivered. We've filed complaints. We've written strongly worded emails. But ultimately, that's between you, your porch pirates, and the USPS gods.
That said — if your package goes missing, contact us within 7 days of the delivery date and we'll help you file a claim with USPS. We'll even provide a pre-written complaint template. Because we're nice like that.
Incorrect Addresses
If you enter the wrong shipping address, you're legally required to email us within 24 hours of placing your order. After that, we've already started packing, and we can't guarantee we'll catch it in time.
If your package is returned to us due to an incorrect address, you will be responsible for re-shipping costs. We'll send you a strongly worded invoice. Politely.
International Shipping
We currently ship only within the United States. We know. We're sorry. We're working on expanding. File a complaint and we'll move faster.
Returns & Issues
If your package arrives damaged, missing items, or smelling like something other than gourmand perfection — contact us at grievances@gourmandgrievances.com within 7 days of delivery.
We'll review your claim. We'll probably complain about it. But we'll make it right. Or we'll file a motion. One of the two.
Fine Print (Because of Course)
"We reserve the right to delay shipping if we're currently filing a motion, eating a cupcake, or both. We promise we'll get your order out within 7 business days. If we don't, you have our permission to file a complaint. We'll even help you write it."